The Dreams of Hannah

We're on a missions trip and I'm a leader. PJ tells us that there’s this homicidal maniac down the street from us and we're supposed to disarm him. For some reason we don’t find this weird at all, we're all just like, "Oh, okay, whatever works."

So we head down to this guy's house with like pitchforks and stuff, and we keep sneaking around his house trying to find him, and somehow we end up stuck underneath this shed that’s lifted half up off the ground. Every time one of us reaches over to try to open the door so we can escape, this long neck (erm, head attached, and presumably body attached at the other end as well except you can’t see it from where we are) that kind of looks like a giraffe with a lion's head but it kind of has feathers… anyway, it swoops it and glares at us until we close the door again. There are four of these creatures and they won't let us escape.

Suddenly there’s this head that pops up into the middle of the floor. It's Elvis wearing overalls. Turns out this is the crazy homicidal maniac we're supposed to disarm. But then the church bus shows up and PJ says we're out of time so we have to go back to the school to shower.

When we get back, we've got 45 minutes to shower and then we have to be someplace else. So I walk down to the room with the showers in it and realize I've forgotten my brush (although why I can’t just brush my hair later is a mystery to me). So I run back to get it. I go back to the shower room and realize I’ve forgotten something else. This keeps happening until I’ve got almost no time left to actually shower.

I walk into the shower room with about a minute and a half left, and I'm wearing this really weird bathing suit thing that is this… really, really ugly blue, black and red body suit type thing. With shoulder pads. It is probably the ugliest thing I’ve seen in my whole life that is possible to wear. So I walk into the shower room with this on and Sarah J and Kayla and Angela are all in there. Sarah just sort of laughs at me and leaves, and Kayla looks at me and says, "I like that suit. It… accentuates the positive." And I sort of deflect whatever she was saying by saying, "I don’t have anything positive about me," and I realize that Angela's saying the exact same thing. Uh! How wudeful, non?

So then I realize I have about fifteen seconds to shower, so I run back to the sleeping room where I find this little paper on me. I start punching holes in it and all these weird symbols appear on the paper that apparently signify that I’ve taken all these different math classes. Suddenly Kayla's dad is there, too, and he says, "May I see your credentials, please?" and I thought to myself, Well, I'll just give them my credentials and PRETEND I showered, and so I hand over the little paper to him.

Then run down to this big room where people are sitting in a circle on folding chairs. My Spanish instructor is there, though, and she comes up to me with something in her hands. "I have something for you," she says, "because you said that you liked music and baseball."

I see the confused stares of everyone around me because as everyone knows, I do not like baseball. Then I remember that back when Spanish started, they asked some of my hobbies and I couldn’t think of any at all, so I just wrote "baseball."

I don’t want to be caught by my peers in a lie, so I sort of try to blow it off and go, "Well… uh, I don’t really mind baseball…"

My instructor gives me this confused look and is like, "But you said you loved it!" and she gives me a little baseball bookmark.

Labels: angela w, elvis presley, kayla, PJ, sarah j